TGBKA Day 36: Coping Mechanisms

Sweet Baboo has learned the signs for when I need to cope. First, I get super involved. I sign up for every volunteer position I can get my hands on, and dive in head first with helping out. The calendar gets so full that I actually have to schedule sleep and showers in there... or else I'll forget both. I will make my way through my days with a determined twinkle in my eyes, and a pep in my step. I generally get this way when I feel like something major is happening, and I have absolutely no control. It's my way to feeling like I'm in control of something. And I get sidetracked with the awesomeness of giving back to my community in some way. Win!

I got super involved when Sweet Baboo got orders to Korea without us. I signed up for almost every volunteer opportunity I could find, and filled our calendar from July (when Sweet Baboo left) until January (when we were hoping he could take his mid-tour leave). I became a member of various Boards of Directors, Committees, and Executive Committees. I reached out to my friends who are Race Directors and verified that I could remain their Volunteer Coordinator, Packet Pickup Coordinator, and other various jobs. I was completely out of control, and I was absolutely in love with the full calendar we had!

Thank God for friends who understand priorities. As soon as I got word that we got our Exception to Policy I was elated! When I got our orders, and read the 60 day deadline, my heart sank. I hated feeling like I was letting my friends down by leaving. Thankfully Sweet Baboo knew that my heart wasn't torn; he understood that I was simply disappointed that I would not be able to fill the spots that I had volunteered for. And with each phone call/meeting/email that I sent out explaining the situation, the response was unanimous: "SpunkySoul, go! Do not worry about this position. We will fill it. You deserve to be with Sweet Baboo, so stop what you're doing and make that happen!" Okay, those aren't direct quotes... but those were the sentiments of every person I was working for. And my heart swelled.

My second coping mechanism is to organize. I cannot operate in a chaotic world without at least the most basic form of order in place. But even the most basic form of order can only hold me over until I can dig in and get things super organized. I have watched many movies where cowboys herd cows from one place to another, and I seriously cringe until every cow is in the new place. There's a reason why I'm no cowgirl: rather than branding the cows and prepping them for slaughter, I'd spend my days training the cows to walk in ranks with straight lines. That way I could keep an eye on each of them, making sure none wandered off. Nobody would eat steak because I would be too busy training their steak to stay in their ranks. Another reason why I so loved the order and discipline that came with being a Soldier!

After reading The Way They Learn, I have come to realize that I am a concrete sequential thinker. I do have abstract tendencies, and there are times when I have to intentionally make things random before I can organize them, but when Sweet Baboo and I read that book we laughed so hard our sides hurt when we read the description of the concrete sequential thinker:

"When presented with an abstract idea, Concrete Sequentials have a special talent for seeing the practical side of an issue" (p. 30).

"CS parents almost always have high expectations when it comes to their children's behavior and academic success" (p. 32).

"They are usually very organized, specific, and conscientious. They may ask repeatedly for clarification or more detailed instructions because of their need to be sure they are doing things right" (p. 34).

Seriously people... it's like the author wrote the entire chapter with me in mind. So when I start to feel like my world is becoming chaotic, the first thing I do is sit down and think out ways to organize it. You remember my notebook? That's just the beginning! In fact, that's only the concrete evidence of my sequential thinking. And that's only what I take the time to sit down and write out. If you only knew the storm of organizing that brews in my brain you'd dig yourselves a cellar, stock it well, and camp out indefinitely.

For the first time since we got married (10 years ago), I am going through every single room to organize our stuff. Long story short, Sweet Baboo kept getting deployed, or going to long schools away from home (or long TDYs). I didn't like the idea of sorting through his stuff and deciding what could stay and what needed to go without his being there. So when we moved into our tiny town home our idea of "merging" our lives was to open the boxes with the super important stuff in it and shove the boxes we didn't have an immediate need to open in the garage. That method got us through two duty stations and five houses. When we moved to RSA we made the conscious effort to get rid of stuff.

Guys... it was bad. For an entire year (our second year here) we had friends and neighbors stop by the house and ask if we were moving already. You can always tell who is about to PCS because theirs is the fullest garbage can at the curb, and they're making several trips to the "donation hole". Theirs is the house that is selling stuff. So when 3 out of 4 weeks per month had piles and piles of trash sitting at the curb, the neighbors started to think we were moving. But we weren't. We were simply donating what we had an abundance of (Army uniforms, furniture, etc.) and tossing what couldn't get donated (why did we keep every bill we paid from the first four years of our marriage???). We were in purge mode, but it seemed like every step forward in the organization efforts made us take several steps back. Inevitably, we would have to get a whole new set of uniforms (Sweet Baboo is about to purchase his fourth style of combat uniform in the 15 years of service he has!) or we would get involved in a new hobby (Goodbye golf clubs... and shoes... and cleaning gear. Hello triathlon swag!).

When Sweet Baboo went to Korea, he gave me carte blanche authority to get rid of anything I felt like, so long as I was respectful of the sentimental things he wished to keep. I know him well enough now (as opposed to in our first year of marriage) to make such decisions, but that doesn't stop me from taking a million photos and posting them on our organization page to make sure I can get rid of stuff. I'm so blessed to have a husband who gets that I need his participation in these matters. So when he says "I don't care", he isn't being uninvolved... he truly doesn't care.

In the past two days, I have accomplished the biggest feat yet: our garage. We have had a clean garage several times since we have moved here, but it was never organized. Everything was in "organized" piles... but the boxes needed to be gone through. I'll admit that I will probably not get the chance to go through every box before we move to Korea; but the boxes I won't be able to go through with the fine-tooth comb that I'd like to use are the ones with his (and my) official military records and documents. I have big plans to organize those documents, so they'll go to Korea and be a big project for me to undertake.

The Wee wanted to help. Here was her idea of "helping":

Her daddy taught her that sometimes it's more help when you "help by not helping". She opted to evoke the HBNH mentality today.

We will miss our lovely yard!

Here's what I started with:

So. Much. Stuff.

Why don't we throw anything away?

The kids have decided that the shelves are their personal grocery store... but they don't put anything back on the shelves!

I just do my best to avoid this section as much as possible. And this was taken after hours of clearing already!

I can't spend all of my time organizing. For some reason the sweet children desire entertainment, and food, and education, and... and... and... So here's what I balanced cleaning with:

The Wee is joining her big sister in the roller derby fun! She's rocking it.

The Elder needed to get some blood work done, and endured the procedure like a champ!

I sometimes wonder about these girls. Do they realize they're doing the scooter thing wrong?

After several posts to sell things, and an overflowing garbage can (again), and several trips to the donation hole, this is where I'm at for the garage now:

It doesn't look like much of a change, but things on this side of the garage will go to Korea.

And things on this side of the garage are either being sold or are going to non-temp storage. Except for the elliptical and the inversion table. Those are going to Korea!

I probably have another four or so hours in the garage to do. See those boxes in the back? Yeah... I want to go through those as well. I'd rather get rid of as much excess weight as possible. 13,500 pounds, remember? Or is it 6,750? Or 3,375? With all of this confusion, I can't afford to bring anything extra!

TGBKA, Day 27: Weight Allowances

Weight Allowances

Man, when it rains it really does pour! The Unaccompanied Baggage pack out was on Day 26, and if you'll remember from this post I have been very nervous about the weight allowances and how to estimate how much my stuff weighs. According to our PPO Counselor, I was to have not more than 350 pounds of stuff for myself and 175 for each of the kids for the UB shipment. And you'll also remember from the same post that our PPO Counselor and I had a disagreement on how much of our HHG allowance that I could ship. She said 25%, I read the regulations and saw 50%. She highlighted 50% and handed it to me, still saying that I could only ship 25%. It has been a big mess, people!

On Day 27, Sweet Baboo got an email telling us that our UB shipment weighed 715 pounds. The emails said, "DPS has detected the possibility you may have exceeded your authorized JTR weight allowance of 600. Please contact your destination Transportation Office and request a reweigh of your shipment prior to delivery and/or for additional assistance."

Packing all of our UB goods into the truck!

Did you read that math? The email said that I went over our 600 pound allowance, but according to the math the PPO Counselor gave me I should have had a 700 pound allowance. Sure... either way I went over. But when you're paying per pound for your stuff to get flown to Korea, 100 pounds is a big deal. I'd rather pay for 15 pounds over rather than 115.

Once the goods are in the crate, there's no unpacking it to make it lighter!

The crate gets sealed, and there is no going back.

That afternoon I called my PPO Counselor. Her voicemail was as helpful as she was in person. I intended to write a separate blog post about my experience in the Personal Property Office, but was busy running around trying to get accurate information. So I'll BLUF you: She. Was. Awful. She spent the entire time giving me no information, getting frustrated with my questions, and telling me that I shouldn't call her if I have any other questions. (She gave me three handouts with phone numbers for Jacksonville, Florida should I have any questions or problems.) When I insisted that I read the packs of papers that she handed over to me to sign, she was visibly irritated. I'll admit, I scanned a few of them and signed them because I was starting to let her behavior affect my confidence in my understanding on what should be happening.

To sum up her desire to help families get the information they need to ship their household goods to a new duty station, her voicemail says it all: "Hi, this is ______________. I'm unavailable at this time. If you need assistance you may call _______________ at ______________. Again, that's _______________. Have a blessed day." Does she encourage the caller to leave a message so she can get back with them? Nope. She passes the caller off to another person... by asking that person to call somebody else. She couldn't be bothered to be helpful when I was in her office... and that attitude is extended in her voicemail. But man, I'm glad she gave that name and number. Because the man I called next was over the top helpful!

When Helpful PPO Counselor called me the today, he stopped what he was doing to look up our situation in the computer. According to him, here is how the math should work out:

Sweet Baboo was given 600 pounds to ship his HHG back when the tour was supposed to be just him. When his orders were amended to authorize the girls and me to join him, we were authorized an additional 350 pounds for my UB shipment, 175 pounds for the Elder, and 175 for the Wee. That would allow for 700 pounds for the girls and me, on top of the 600 pounds that Sweet Baboo was authorized to pack (1,300 pounds total). His shipment ended up only being 250 pounds (he forgot a few things). I asked Helpful PPO Counselor if the remaining 350 pounds that he didn't use were use-lose, or if we could use some of that in the shipment that we're over on. He said that since our orders are amendments to his, and we had to do the shipments in two separate shipments, the weight allowances were not use-lose. So technically, I had up to 1,050 pounds to use on our UB shipment... not 700, not 600. He said that I should not be "over" on our weight allowance (since his shipment plus ours equals 965 pounds), and I shouldn't receive a statement of charges.

But that doesn't change my overall HHG weight allowance. Yes, we are authorized 13,500 pounds total (UB + HHG + NTS), but we can only take 50% of that 13,500 to Korea (UB + HHG). The other 50% has to either go to the trash, donation hole, sold, or NTS. What a relief! He looked it up, verified it for me, and when I told him that my original PPO Counselor quoted me 25% he said that she was wrong. (Sweet Baboo took time out of his duty day to head over to his PPO in Korea to ask why our PPO Counselor here would say 25% and they were at a loss as well). So after Sweet Baboo's 250 pound shipment in July, and our 715 pound UB shipment this week, we still have 5,785 pounds of HHG that we can ship to Korea. I think if I ship that much stuff, Sweet Baboo may have a few words to share with me about my definition of "packing light"... but it's nice to confidently know what my allowances are! Now we wait to see what the HHG shipment will weigh... and if we get a statement of charges.

During all of this, I was doing my best to research the regulations. But when my original PPO Counselor handed me the highlighted regulation (that told me I was authorized 50% of our total weight allowance), she also told me that she wasn't confident that she was handing me the most updated regulation (and informed me that it wasn't her job to keep me abreast of the most updated regulation). This caused me to ask what her purpose in the office was, but that didn't go over very well. My research did turn up this document dated October, 2014. It has so much information in it that I wish I had during the last four PCSs!

It lists weight allowances by rank:

Because this was so hard for my original PPO Counselor to get to me at first!

It discusses pro-gear:

Because my original PPO Counselor didn't tell me the weight limit for PBP&E.

It discusses pro-gear for the spouse:

This will make a huge difference in our weight allowance... all of my studio equipment needs to be stored.

It even discusses how to prepare for your appointment with the PPO Counselor:

As a person who reads regulations so I can be fully informed, this document is 31 pages of pure gold. The information it contains would have been supremely helpful had I had it before my PPO appointment, or even if the PPO Counselor gave it to me at the appointment. I have phone calls to make next week, now... but I'm glad I know this info now rather than later! I'm just hoping the information it contains isn't outdated now that we're in the new fiscal year.

TGBKA, Day 26: Express Shipment Pack Out

We're here: the first pack out! I've been avoiding most things in preparation for this day, yet I still feel under prepared. I found this image on Facebook a couple of weeks ago, and it very completely details how my brain works:

A visual for why a simple question seems to take an eternity for me to answer. 

So if my "thought", according to this visual, is "Express Shipment: What to Pack", then my "sub thoughts" would include things like

• When will we get this shipment? (Estimated: December 17th)
• What will we be able to live without until that shipment arrives? 
• How many pounds does an office chair weigh?
• How will I get clothes to Korea if I want them before December 17th? 
• Just how many bags can I bring on the airplane per ticketed passenger? 
• Will that number be enough?
• How many bags can I arrive in Korea with and still have Sweet Baboo excited to see us? (I tend to "over pack")
• What pots and pans should I send now so I have them for Christmas?
• How in the world will I cook Thanksgiving dinner without my kitchen?

And the list goes on. All for me to make decisions on how to "spend" 750 pounds of my stuff for this shipment. Here's what I came up with: 

Towels, cooking tools, yoga mat, homeschool curriculum... you know, the basics.

Desktop, television, office chair, Wacom tablet, Big Al (my teddy bear) and Dog (my cat pillow). The freezer stays.

Christmas tree, lights, ornaments, punch bowl... I sliced it down to this.

Two of the very few things that I'm packing, knowing full well that I'll only use it for 4 months in the entire tour. But I love these bowls that much!

So here's hoping I didn't screw this decision up. And that when I get to Korea with 15 bags, each weighing under 100 pounds, I will still have an excited Sweet Baboo who will grin and load those suckers up in the tiny Korean vehicle to get us from the airport to our new apartment.