TGBKA: IT'S ELECTRIC (BOOGIE WOOGIE WOOGIE)

As I mentioned earlier in this blog, I spent the last 70 or so days preparing to get to Korea, and spent little to no time preparing to live in Korea. I got passports, shipped a car, endured three different pack outs, packed 15 bags to check on the airplane and 5 bags to carry on, and on and on and on. So when I got to Korea you would think I let out this great big sigh of relief that all of that work was over... right? Wrong.

The first thing I noticed when I got to our new apartment was that I couldn't plug anything in. My Apple Watch was dead (traveling around the world will do that)... I couldn't plug it in. My iPhone was dead... couldn't plug it in. I wanted to fire up the laptop so I could write a few things about my flight... nope. I knew that there was a big difference between the American outlets that I was used to and the Korean ones I was about to live with, but I hadn't done any SpunkyResearch to know what I was truly in for. And to be honest, I'm still kind of confused.

We have little plugs that Sweet Baboo calls "adapters". As far as I know, these little things are simply the middle man between my American plugs and our apartment's Korean outlets. I don't think there is any translation between the power the apartment sends to the device, and the amount of power the device needs. I need to research that.

Cute little guys, right? I remember getting a few of these in some product packages I opened back in the States. Wish I held onto them...

At around 500 won, they aren't terribly expensive... until you look around at how many things you need to plug in!

But then there are these "transformers". No, Optimus Prime isn't living in our apartment (but seriously, how awesome would that be?!). My powers of amazing deduction tell me that these devices do translate the differences in power. But I don't know how. Sweet Baboo keeps tossing around numbers like 220 and 110... he tells me that [this] thing doesn't need the transformer, but {that} thing does. He says that we'll need "a few more transformers" for the things that I have coming in our HHG shipment... but which ones will we need? There's the 1KVA Down Transformers (approximately $30 each), the 2KVA Down Transformers (around $45 each), or the big 3KVA Down Transformers (I think I saw it for $60). But what's the difference between these? I don't know... it's all in Korean! I need to do research on that.

These fellahs aren't terribly small. There is no such thing as decorating when these are involved. They remind me of old Army equipment!

Who wants to translate this for me?

Or this? I'd love to know what the knob means!

But I do know that the bigger the box, the more power they pull. And that costs more money. You see, electricity is billed differently here than in America. The bill literally gets exponentially more expensive based on the amount of electricity used. It's like this: There is a basic fee that you pay based on how much electricity you use. The basic fee goes up in increments of 100kWh of usage.

< 100 kWh            410 won
101 - 200 kWh     910 won
201 - 300 kWh     1,600 won
301 - 400 kWh     3,850 won
401 - 500 kWh     7,300 won
> 500 kWh          12,940 won

That's just the basic fee to use the electricity in that bracket. Everybody pays that basic fee. But the Koreans have devised a way to reward those who work diligently to conserve energy. They tax each bracket, and the taxes stack.

< 100 kWh              61 won
101 - 200 kWh      126 won
201 - 300 kWh      188 won
301 - 400 kWh      281 won
401 - 500 kWh      418 won
> 500 kWh            710 won

So if we had a month of 300kWh, here is how our bill should look (according to my understanding of this system):

  1,600 won: Basic Fee
  6,100 won: (first bracket tax: 100kWh x 61 won)
25,200 won: (second bracket tax: 200kWh x 126 won)
56,400 won: (third bracket tax: 300kWh x 188 won)
------------------------------------------------------------------
89,300 won: (sub total)

That's a subtotal because there are two other taxes that I still haven't figured out. One is a 10% VAT tax, and the other is the 3.7% Electricity Industrial Fund. So let's add those together:

89,300 won: (subtotal)
  8,930 won: (10% VAT)
  3,304 won: (3.7% Electricity Industrial Fund)
----------------------------------------------------------
101,534 won (still a subtotal)

We aren't done paying for electricity yet! That part of our bill will be the portion we have the most control over. I can turn off the lights in my apartment, I can unplug electronics that we don't use often. But there is another portion to our bill that I have no control over. There are two more sections to my bill that I am expected to pay. I will pay fees for the community electricity and the elevator electricity. These are split up equally among everybody in my apartment tower. I don't much mind paying these fees... I do use the elevators, and appreciate that the stairwells are relatively warm and comfortable when I come in from the cold.

I'm sure I'm missing a lot here, but this is what I have figured out. I'm sure my eyes will pop out of my head when I get our first bill. Everybody I have spoken with has agreed: electricity is expensive in Korea. And I should do everything I can to reduce our usage of it if I want to be able to spend our money on anything else. Like food. Which is another blog for another day. (Spoiler alert: Yum!)

TGBKA Day 36: Coping Mechanisms

Sweet Baboo has learned the signs for when I need to cope. First, I get super involved. I sign up for every volunteer position I can get my hands on, and dive in head first with helping out. The calendar gets so full that I actually have to schedule sleep and showers in there... or else I'll forget both. I will make my way through my days with a determined twinkle in my eyes, and a pep in my step. I generally get this way when I feel like something major is happening, and I have absolutely no control. It's my way to feeling like I'm in control of something. And I get sidetracked with the awesomeness of giving back to my community in some way. Win!

I got super involved when Sweet Baboo got orders to Korea without us. I signed up for almost every volunteer opportunity I could find, and filled our calendar from July (when Sweet Baboo left) until January (when we were hoping he could take his mid-tour leave). I became a member of various Boards of Directors, Committees, and Executive Committees. I reached out to my friends who are Race Directors and verified that I could remain their Volunteer Coordinator, Packet Pickup Coordinator, and other various jobs. I was completely out of control, and I was absolutely in love with the full calendar we had!

Thank God for friends who understand priorities. As soon as I got word that we got our Exception to Policy I was elated! When I got our orders, and read the 60 day deadline, my heart sank. I hated feeling like I was letting my friends down by leaving. Thankfully Sweet Baboo knew that my heart wasn't torn; he understood that I was simply disappointed that I would not be able to fill the spots that I had volunteered for. And with each phone call/meeting/email that I sent out explaining the situation, the response was unanimous: "SpunkySoul, go! Do not worry about this position. We will fill it. You deserve to be with Sweet Baboo, so stop what you're doing and make that happen!" Okay, those aren't direct quotes... but those were the sentiments of every person I was working for. And my heart swelled.

My second coping mechanism is to organize. I cannot operate in a chaotic world without at least the most basic form of order in place. But even the most basic form of order can only hold me over until I can dig in and get things super organized. I have watched many movies where cowboys herd cows from one place to another, and I seriously cringe until every cow is in the new place. There's a reason why I'm no cowgirl: rather than branding the cows and prepping them for slaughter, I'd spend my days training the cows to walk in ranks with straight lines. That way I could keep an eye on each of them, making sure none wandered off. Nobody would eat steak because I would be too busy training their steak to stay in their ranks. Another reason why I so loved the order and discipline that came with being a Soldier!

After reading The Way They Learn, I have come to realize that I am a concrete sequential thinker. I do have abstract tendencies, and there are times when I have to intentionally make things random before I can organize them, but when Sweet Baboo and I read that book we laughed so hard our sides hurt when we read the description of the concrete sequential thinker:

"When presented with an abstract idea, Concrete Sequentials have a special talent for seeing the practical side of an issue" (p. 30).

"CS parents almost always have high expectations when it comes to their children's behavior and academic success" (p. 32).

"They are usually very organized, specific, and conscientious. They may ask repeatedly for clarification or more detailed instructions because of their need to be sure they are doing things right" (p. 34).

Seriously people... it's like the author wrote the entire chapter with me in mind. So when I start to feel like my world is becoming chaotic, the first thing I do is sit down and think out ways to organize it. You remember my notebook? That's just the beginning! In fact, that's only the concrete evidence of my sequential thinking. And that's only what I take the time to sit down and write out. If you only knew the storm of organizing that brews in my brain you'd dig yourselves a cellar, stock it well, and camp out indefinitely.

For the first time since we got married (10 years ago), I am going through every single room to organize our stuff. Long story short, Sweet Baboo kept getting deployed, or going to long schools away from home (or long TDYs). I didn't like the idea of sorting through his stuff and deciding what could stay and what needed to go without his being there. So when we moved into our tiny town home our idea of "merging" our lives was to open the boxes with the super important stuff in it and shove the boxes we didn't have an immediate need to open in the garage. That method got us through two duty stations and five houses. When we moved to RSA we made the conscious effort to get rid of stuff.

Guys... it was bad. For an entire year (our second year here) we had friends and neighbors stop by the house and ask if we were moving already. You can always tell who is about to PCS because theirs is the fullest garbage can at the curb, and they're making several trips to the "donation hole". Theirs is the house that is selling stuff. So when 3 out of 4 weeks per month had piles and piles of trash sitting at the curb, the neighbors started to think we were moving. But we weren't. We were simply donating what we had an abundance of (Army uniforms, furniture, etc.) and tossing what couldn't get donated (why did we keep every bill we paid from the first four years of our marriage???). We were in purge mode, but it seemed like every step forward in the organization efforts made us take several steps back. Inevitably, we would have to get a whole new set of uniforms (Sweet Baboo is about to purchase his fourth style of combat uniform in the 15 years of service he has!) or we would get involved in a new hobby (Goodbye golf clubs... and shoes... and cleaning gear. Hello triathlon swag!).

When Sweet Baboo went to Korea, he gave me carte blanche authority to get rid of anything I felt like, so long as I was respectful of the sentimental things he wished to keep. I know him well enough now (as opposed to in our first year of marriage) to make such decisions, but that doesn't stop me from taking a million photos and posting them on our organization page to make sure I can get rid of stuff. I'm so blessed to have a husband who gets that I need his participation in these matters. So when he says "I don't care", he isn't being uninvolved... he truly doesn't care.

In the past two days, I have accomplished the biggest feat yet: our garage. We have had a clean garage several times since we have moved here, but it was never organized. Everything was in "organized" piles... but the boxes needed to be gone through. I'll admit that I will probably not get the chance to go through every box before we move to Korea; but the boxes I won't be able to go through with the fine-tooth comb that I'd like to use are the ones with his (and my) official military records and documents. I have big plans to organize those documents, so they'll go to Korea and be a big project for me to undertake.

The Wee wanted to help. Here was her idea of "helping":

Her daddy taught her that sometimes it's more help when you "help by not helping". She opted to evoke the HBNH mentality today.

We will miss our lovely yard!

Here's what I started with:

So. Much. Stuff.

Why don't we throw anything away?

The kids have decided that the shelves are their personal grocery store... but they don't put anything back on the shelves!

I just do my best to avoid this section as much as possible. And this was taken after hours of clearing already!

I can't spend all of my time organizing. For some reason the sweet children desire entertainment, and food, and education, and... and... and... So here's what I balanced cleaning with:

The Wee is joining her big sister in the roller derby fun! She's rocking it.

The Elder needed to get some blood work done, and endured the procedure like a champ!

I sometimes wonder about these girls. Do they realize they're doing the scooter thing wrong?

After several posts to sell things, and an overflowing garbage can (again), and several trips to the donation hole, this is where I'm at for the garage now:

It doesn't look like much of a change, but things on this side of the garage will go to Korea.

And things on this side of the garage are either being sold or are going to non-temp storage. Except for the elliptical and the inversion table. Those are going to Korea!

I probably have another four or so hours in the garage to do. See those boxes in the back? Yeah... I want to go through those as well. I'd rather get rid of as much excess weight as possible. 13,500 pounds, remember? Or is it 6,750? Or 3,375? With all of this confusion, I can't afford to bring anything extra!

TGBKA, Day 27: Weight Allowances

Weight Allowances

Man, when it rains it really does pour! The Unaccompanied Baggage pack out was on Day 26, and if you'll remember from this post I have been very nervous about the weight allowances and how to estimate how much my stuff weighs. According to our PPO Counselor, I was to have not more than 350 pounds of stuff for myself and 175 for each of the kids for the UB shipment. And you'll also remember from the same post that our PPO Counselor and I had a disagreement on how much of our HHG allowance that I could ship. She said 25%, I read the regulations and saw 50%. She highlighted 50% and handed it to me, still saying that I could only ship 25%. It has been a big mess, people!

On Day 27, Sweet Baboo got an email telling us that our UB shipment weighed 715 pounds. The emails said, "DPS has detected the possibility you may have exceeded your authorized JTR weight allowance of 600. Please contact your destination Transportation Office and request a reweigh of your shipment prior to delivery and/or for additional assistance."

Packing all of our UB goods into the truck!

Did you read that math? The email said that I went over our 600 pound allowance, but according to the math the PPO Counselor gave me I should have had a 700 pound allowance. Sure... either way I went over. But when you're paying per pound for your stuff to get flown to Korea, 100 pounds is a big deal. I'd rather pay for 15 pounds over rather than 115.

Once the goods are in the crate, there's no unpacking it to make it lighter!

The crate gets sealed, and there is no going back.

That afternoon I called my PPO Counselor. Her voicemail was as helpful as she was in person. I intended to write a separate blog post about my experience in the Personal Property Office, but was busy running around trying to get accurate information. So I'll BLUF you: She. Was. Awful. She spent the entire time giving me no information, getting frustrated with my questions, and telling me that I shouldn't call her if I have any other questions. (She gave me three handouts with phone numbers for Jacksonville, Florida should I have any questions or problems.) When I insisted that I read the packs of papers that she handed over to me to sign, she was visibly irritated. I'll admit, I scanned a few of them and signed them because I was starting to let her behavior affect my confidence in my understanding on what should be happening.

To sum up her desire to help families get the information they need to ship their household goods to a new duty station, her voicemail says it all: "Hi, this is ______________. I'm unavailable at this time. If you need assistance you may call _______________ at ______________. Again, that's _______________. Have a blessed day." Does she encourage the caller to leave a message so she can get back with them? Nope. She passes the caller off to another person... by asking that person to call somebody else. She couldn't be bothered to be helpful when I was in her office... and that attitude is extended in her voicemail. But man, I'm glad she gave that name and number. Because the man I called next was over the top helpful!

When Helpful PPO Counselor called me the today, he stopped what he was doing to look up our situation in the computer. According to him, here is how the math should work out:

Sweet Baboo was given 600 pounds to ship his HHG back when the tour was supposed to be just him. When his orders were amended to authorize the girls and me to join him, we were authorized an additional 350 pounds for my UB shipment, 175 pounds for the Elder, and 175 for the Wee. That would allow for 700 pounds for the girls and me, on top of the 600 pounds that Sweet Baboo was authorized to pack (1,300 pounds total). His shipment ended up only being 250 pounds (he forgot a few things). I asked Helpful PPO Counselor if the remaining 350 pounds that he didn't use were use-lose, or if we could use some of that in the shipment that we're over on. He said that since our orders are amendments to his, and we had to do the shipments in two separate shipments, the weight allowances were not use-lose. So technically, I had up to 1,050 pounds to use on our UB shipment... not 700, not 600. He said that I should not be "over" on our weight allowance (since his shipment plus ours equals 965 pounds), and I shouldn't receive a statement of charges.

But that doesn't change my overall HHG weight allowance. Yes, we are authorized 13,500 pounds total (UB + HHG + NTS), but we can only take 50% of that 13,500 to Korea (UB + HHG). The other 50% has to either go to the trash, donation hole, sold, or NTS. What a relief! He looked it up, verified it for me, and when I told him that my original PPO Counselor quoted me 25% he said that she was wrong. (Sweet Baboo took time out of his duty day to head over to his PPO in Korea to ask why our PPO Counselor here would say 25% and they were at a loss as well). So after Sweet Baboo's 250 pound shipment in July, and our 715 pound UB shipment this week, we still have 5,785 pounds of HHG that we can ship to Korea. I think if I ship that much stuff, Sweet Baboo may have a few words to share with me about my definition of "packing light"... but it's nice to confidently know what my allowances are! Now we wait to see what the HHG shipment will weigh... and if we get a statement of charges.

During all of this, I was doing my best to research the regulations. But when my original PPO Counselor handed me the highlighted regulation (that told me I was authorized 50% of our total weight allowance), she also told me that she wasn't confident that she was handing me the most updated regulation (and informed me that it wasn't her job to keep me abreast of the most updated regulation). This caused me to ask what her purpose in the office was, but that didn't go over very well. My research did turn up this document dated October, 2014. It has so much information in it that I wish I had during the last four PCSs!

It lists weight allowances by rank:

Because this was so hard for my original PPO Counselor to get to me at first!

It discusses pro-gear:

Because my original PPO Counselor didn't tell me the weight limit for PBP&E.

It discusses pro-gear for the spouse:

This will make a huge difference in our weight allowance... all of my studio equipment needs to be stored.

It even discusses how to prepare for your appointment with the PPO Counselor:

As a person who reads regulations so I can be fully informed, this document is 31 pages of pure gold. The information it contains would have been supremely helpful had I had it before my PPO appointment, or even if the PPO Counselor gave it to me at the appointment. I have phone calls to make next week, now... but I'm glad I know this info now rather than later! I'm just hoping the information it contains isn't outdated now that we're in the new fiscal year.

TGBKA, Day 26: Express Shipment Pack Out

We're here: the first pack out! I've been avoiding most things in preparation for this day, yet I still feel under prepared. I found this image on Facebook a couple of weeks ago, and it very completely details how my brain works:

A visual for why a simple question seems to take an eternity for me to answer. 

So if my "thought", according to this visual, is "Express Shipment: What to Pack", then my "sub thoughts" would include things like

• When will we get this shipment? (Estimated: December 17th)
• What will we be able to live without until that shipment arrives? 
• How many pounds does an office chair weigh?
• How will I get clothes to Korea if I want them before December 17th? 
• Just how many bags can I bring on the airplane per ticketed passenger? 
• Will that number be enough?
• How many bags can I arrive in Korea with and still have Sweet Baboo excited to see us? (I tend to "over pack")
• What pots and pans should I send now so I have them for Christmas?
• How in the world will I cook Thanksgiving dinner without my kitchen?

And the list goes on. All for me to make decisions on how to "spend" 750 pounds of my stuff for this shipment. Here's what I came up with: 

Towels, cooking tools, yoga mat, homeschool curriculum... you know, the basics.

Desktop, television, office chair, Wacom tablet, Big Al (my teddy bear) and Dog (my cat pillow). The freezer stays.

Christmas tree, lights, ornaments, punch bowl... I sliced it down to this.

Two of the very few things that I'm packing, knowing full well that I'll only use it for 4 months in the entire tour. But I love these bowls that much!

So here's hoping I didn't screw this decision up. And that when I get to Korea with 15 bags, each weighing under 100 pounds, I will still have an excited Sweet Baboo who will grin and load those suckers up in the tiny Korean vehicle to get us from the airport to our new apartment. 

The Great Big Korean Adventure, Day 5: Shipping my POV, Take 1

As I've written before, the Army authorizes us to ship a vehicle when the whole family participates in a PCS OCONUS. When the family has two vehicles, how does one decide which one to ship? When should we ship it? What should we do with the other vehicle? How are we going to get the shipped vehicle to port, and back to the house again? Or if we decide to ship the vehicle the day before we leave for Korea, where do we store the other vehicle and how do we get back from storing it so we can PCS? There are so many variables.

Thank God for the community of spouses that Sweet Baboo lovingly refers to as The Military Wife Mafia. Have a death in the family, and need to fly out ASAP to attend the funeral? Reach out to members of the MWM and they'll dog sit, check in on your house, and help you figure out the most cost effective way to get there. Have orders to a different country? Chances are, one of your MWM members currently lives there, have lived there recently, or has a friend who is currently there and can be your "boots on the ground" with current information and a helping hand. Need to drive 3.5 hours east to take your vehicle to port so you can ship it to your husband who is currently OCONUS and can't help? Boom! MWM members understand that stress and rearrange their schedules so they can drive a trailer-car so you don't have to hitchhike back, or pay for an airplane ticket.

My original plan:

1. Ship my beloved minivan. We have been through a lot in that thing: I didn't write about it here, but there was an "incident" with a deer at 1:30am while driving to my FIL's house in 2012 for a visit. The deer didn't make it. My van had a dent and a broken headlight. Last month I was on the interstate, driving to visit family in the hospital after surgery. A school bus driver and I didn't see each other as we merged into the same lane, at the same time. The school bus had a pretty nasty gouge down the side of it, my van had a few scuffs.

It's hard to take a photo that shows the depth of the damage while standing on the side of the interstate. Bus: gouged. Van: pain transfer.

I say that to say this: my van has done its job well for over five years now. These two incidents, being three years apart, could have been much worse. But I was able to walk away from both, and not worry about major mechanical issues after the fact. I never thought I'd say this, but well done Dodge! So with the dings that this van has endured, if it gets a few more in transit to Korea I won't cry a tear. My van is my tool... tools are only shiny at the store. I don't intentionally beat up my tools, but if they get scratched and dinged in the process of working for me, I accept it for what it is.

2. Store our beloved hatchback at my MIL's house. It's small, so it won't take up a whole lot of space in their driveway. FIL has driven it, and found it to be surprisingly comfortable. And it's "technically" Sweet Baboo's car (that I get to borrow when I don't feel like driving a tank around), so I thought I'd keep it looking nice by not having it endure the dings and damages that can come with shipping a vehicle OCONUS.

3. Spend the night in Atlanta (the nearest port to us) either the night before my appointment to ship the vehicle, or the night of our appointment. Depending on which night we spend in Atlanta, we would make an experience out of it. Visit the Georgia Aquarium, go eat at The Varsity (a restaurant I haven't been to since I was a Senior in high school... but I've thought of it every time I have thought of Atlanta), or maybe take a tour of the World of Coca-Cola.

4. Make this trip around Day 40 or Day 41 of this Great Adventure so I don't have to hunt down all of the paperwork in a hurry.

Then on Day 5 of this Great Adventure, Sweet Baboo calls and says, "Hey. You do plan on shipping the hatchback to me soon, right? I'll need that to get here ASAP so I don't have to figure out how to drive to the office without a vehicle when I move off post." Hm, well that threw everything on my calendar into a whirlwind of activity. We debated the benefits and setbacks that will come with shipping the van. We discussed the timeline of how things were going. We ended up with this plan:

1. Ship the hatchback. Everything in Korea is smaller, including the parking spots, and the lanes the vehicles have driven in. To date, Sweet Baboo had only seen one minivan in Uijeongbu ("wee jon boo"), and the driver looked angry to be in such a large vehicle. Minivan stays, hatchback goes.

2. MIL and FIL are perfectly happy to store the van for us, so that's a win.

3. Still spending the night in Atlanta, but my fellow MWM Member could only rearrange her schedule so much. I'm very grateful for her doing that much! But we won't have time to stop in at the aquarium or Coca-Cola museum. Perhaps I can at least treat her to lunch at The Varsity on our way out of town!

4. Make this trip on Day 18 and return on Day 19. Sweet Baboo may not have the hatchback right when he moves into our new apartment, but he will definitely get it 22 days earlier than I had originally planned. I tried to schedule it for Day 11 or Day 12, but getting the letter of authorization from our bank would take too long to schedule the shipment that soon. More on that below.

Care to know what kind of craziness goes into shipping a vehicle? Oh, the paperwork! I told you that I originally purchased a 1 1/2" binder. Then, immediately had to swap it out for a 2 1/2" binder. That one is already close to bursting at the seams, and I'm not finished adding to it. But that project will get looked at later. Gotta get my hatchback to Korea!

Step 1: Call the port you want to ship your vehicle from. You don't usually get to choose a port; it's usually chosen for you based on where you currently live and where you'll be shipping your vehicle.

Step 2: Gather all information you need to successfully send your vehicle OCONUS the first time you try. This is important because you usually have to drive hours to get to the port, so finding out that you're missing something once you're there is enough to make you want to start drinking at 10:00 in the morning.

Step 3: Realize that you are still paying on the loan for the vehicle you're wanting to ship. This adds an extra layer of "fun". Now you get to track down the Magical Wizard in your financial institution's corporate offices and find out what you need to do to get a letter of authorization to ship your vehicle out of the country. That's right folks; if you don't own your vehicle outright, you have to ask permission from the lien holder of your vehicle to ship it to your next duty station.

Step 4: Call your financial institution and ask for Magical Wizard. Get put on hold. Speak with Original Bank Employee who answered the phone, who tells you that she can't transfer you to Magical Wizard, but she's happy to provide me with all of the necessary information. Gather the list of documents you need to fax (Nope, not email. We're still in the 1980s people!) to Magical Wizard, and expect to hear back via fax in the next 3-5 business days. Said documents included, according to Original Bank Employee, orders authorizing shipment of a vehicle, information on the vehicle, proof of insurance, and contact information in case they needed to reach out to me.

Step 5: Ask Original Bank Employee if there was a way for the process to be expedited so we could take the vehicle to port sooner. Get put on hold again. Original Bank Employee returns to the phone with a "sorry, no" response. Ask Original Bank Employee if fax was the only way to communicate during this process. Explain that I have to borrow a friend's fax machine at work to send this information off, and email would be substantially easier for me. That way, I wouldn't have to ask my friend to hover over the fax machine for up to 3 days to see if my fax came in. Get put on hold again. Original Bank Employee comes back with a "sorry, fax is the only way" response. Ask Original Bank Employee if there was an email address or phone number to Magical Wizard that I could use to communicate directly in case I had any other questions. Again... hold. Response, "sorry, no".

Step 6: Gather all necessary documents (including a very detailed cover letter) and beg Fax Friend to fax your forms. Convince her that by not faxing them, she isn't going to be able to keep me here. I'll go either way. Hug her neck and give a great "squee!" as you head home to do a follow-up call.

Step 7: Call bank again and see if another bank employee would be able to transfer me to Magical Wizard. Get put on hold; response, "she isn't in her office right now". It was worth a try. Ask if there were some way to ensure Magical Wizard got the fax. Hold. "No".

Step 8: Go to your PCS calendar and count out 3-5 business days. Make a note to check in with Fax Friend to see if your faxes have arrived.

Step 9: Consider drinking. At 11:00 in the morning. But opt for water instead.